


Sidecars and Chasers

by Thaylepo



Series: On The Rocks [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: More tags to be added, Named Reader, random oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thaylepo/pseuds/Thaylepo
Summary: Just random oneshots or sidechapters for On The Rocks, updated sporadically





	1. CHRISTMAS BONUS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ro and Sans chill out on Christmas Eve and discuss a classic holiday story.
> 
> Enjoy some out of continuity holiday friendship fluff. (Originally posted in On The Rocks)

"so i get the whole past regrets and junk," Sans says, "and definitely the living in the moment stuff, but then it takes a real dark turn about here, y'know?"

"Mm," you agree, sipping from your mug. "Can't learn a life lesson without some thinly veiled metaphors of your impending doom to really pound it in."

"heh."

It was a bit of a surprise when Sans invited you over to hang out and eat food, two of your favourite activities. All the fuss he'd had made about getting enough presents for his brother had you assuming the two of them would be spending Christmas Eve together, but apparently Papyrus was staying the night at Undyne's so the two of them could keep a sleepless vigil out for Santa Claus.

Sleepless vigils were not Sans' strong suit. But staying up eating junk food and watching trashy TV was. And it was definitely yours too. So here the two of you are, sprawled on his couch with the remains of a pizza between you, melting candy canes in hot chocolate while you watched _"A Very Mettaton Xmas_ " on the brothers' ancient television set.

"I feel like he kind of misses the point of the story here," you say, crunching candy cane between your teeth. The extremely shiny robot on screen collapses to his knees, wailing about how he was too beautiful for such a dingy little tombstone. It's all so unfair, he sobs to the hooded figure (who is also played by the same shiny robot with a lot more eyeshadow on), that his life of glittering stardom should come to this.

"at least he left in the graveyard scene and didn't, like, replace it with a champagne fountain or somethin'," Sans points out.

"True. But I mean, here he's supposed to be overcome with the spirit of giving or some shit, but all he does now is stand in the middle of town so everyone can admire him."

And the sunlight glinting off his metallic body apparently blinds an oncoming fleet of alien invaders and saves the world. And Christmas. And Whoville.

Okay, so the point of the story is pretty much out to lunch now.

"so what do you think it's supposed to be about anyway?" Sans asks. "i mean, to humans."

"Have you read 'A Christmas Carol'? Or at least seen a better movie of it?"

"yeah, i saw the muppet one."

"Well, it's supposed to be about generosity and goodwill and all that junk, I guess? Three ghosts show up and explain to this guy why he's a massive turdnugget, he has a sudden epiphany and is inspired to help the less fortunate and reconnect with his family, blah blah blah, true meaning of Christmas."

"nah."

"Nah?"

"nah, the true meaning of christmas is to drop a ton of cash on crap you don't need and aren't gonna use again till next year, when you gotta buy all the newer better stuff anyway."

"Geez," you dunk your candy cane in your mug. "Who's Scrooge now?"

"naw, think about it," he insists, half-eaten candy cane in his teeth like a cigar. "what's the one thing scrooge's got that literally no one else around him has?"

".....Money?"

"money," Sans agrees. "everyone else in the story is dirt lickin' poor. so through the whole thing, everyone is pestering this guy not to be so stingy, and yeah, to be less of a tool i guess, but mostly they're buggin' him to give his cash away."

"To his underpaid employees and poor family, but yeah, okay."

"not sayin' that's a bad thing. just sayin' if ol' ebenezer was as broke as the rest of them, no one would give a shit if the old bastard wanted to be all cranky and alone on christmas. but he's got somethin' they don't, so they're all bent outta shape about it."

".... You might have a point."

"they ask, why isn't he spending his money? he's got a ton of it. he doesn't even spend it on himself. this isn't good, cuz the whole point of christmas is to buy a bunch of shit."

"Okay, I can't argue with that." You gulp the last of your extremely pepperminty hot chocolate. "This whole holiday is steeped in capitalism. But there is a bunch of feely-goody stuff thrown in there too. And the story does have some junk about giving and generosity and not being a selfish bag of dicks."

"that's window trimming."

"Really. You know all about Christmas then."

"we didn't have it underground," Sans admits. "we did do a thing where we left presents under a tree in the middle of town, and the king'd sometimes dress up in a red suit to give out food and stuff, and we'd all have a rip roarin' party, but we didn't call it christmas till we got up here."

You nod, stretching. The credits were rolling on _"A Very Mettaton Xmas"_ , crediting everything to Mettaton. "Yeah, I think those are really ancient traditions. I'm not surprised if you guys had them from before you got shoved underground."

"gotta tell ya, it's a little weird how into it you humans get."

"Mm. Tell me about it."

"it's been months of glittery fake pine trees and holiday music and everything screamin' atcha that you only got x amount of time before the big day when everything goes to shit if you don't have that special turkey baster or whatever. makes it hard for a guy to relax."

"You learn to ignore it."

"that's the real meaning of it, though. buying shit."

"So you said."

"even when scrooge has his big life changin' moment there, is the first thing he does apologize to his family or his employees for bein' a dick? naw, he runs out and buys a ton of stuff to give 'em."

"Right," you say.

"cuz he's a rich guy, so whatever apology he can make ain't worth a damn if he doesn't shell out."

"I kind of agree with that."

"so do i. but if he were shit broke as the rest of 'em, it wouldn't be the same story. he'd have his lil epiphany, maybe reconnect with his estranged family, prolly have a bit of a better life cuz he'd have people carin' about him and helpin' him out and junk, all that touchy feely crap you say is the real meaning of it. but the way it actually goes? all that stuff doesn't matter as much as him spending all of his money. that's what's really emphasized here."

You chew that over with your candy cane. "Wow. That's completely true."

"told ya."

"Charles Dickens was fucking with us the whole time."

"who the hell is charles dickens."

You laugh and flick your candy cane wrapper at him. Sans does nothing but grin in that eerily smug way you've gotten used to and cross his slippered feet on the coffee table.

"So do you regret caving to the capitalist agenda?" you ask, nodding to the enormous Christmas tree in the middle of their living room, adorned with an obscene amount of spray-painted linguine noodles. There had to be at least a couple dozen presents under it, and it was kind of obvious from the sloppy wrapping job who'd put them there.

He grins bashfully. "nah. paps deserves it. but i'm gonna sleep for a month after this."

"Hah."

"and, y'know, if you got the cash, why not spend on somethin' worth it? might not have any next time it rolls around."

"Speaking from experience?"

"metaphorically."

There's a minute where you watch the credits still rolling by, before Sans scratches at his skull the way he does when he's trying to sound purposefully offhand. "hey, thanks for comin' around tonight, ro."

"I'm always up for a movietime booty call," you tell him.

"'m not used to papyrus not bein' around on this night, you know? then again," he chuckles, tugging absently at his hoodie strings, "he's never had anyone else to spend it with before, i guess, so maybe it's a good thing."

"They grow up so fast, huh." You smirk.

"what about you?"

"What about me?"

"kinda surprised you didn't have anythin' better to do tonight either."

"Not true. My neighbour invited me up to her place to get snookered on eggnog and watch old WWF tapes from the nineties."

"and you passed that up to come hang out with me? you're nuts, pal."

In truth, there wasn't much competition for your company. Cam's whole family's gone off at some ski resort somewhere, and while she'd invited you to come, you'd lived through too many passive aggressive family holidays to want to be in the middle of someone else's. You really didn't know anyone else in town either. If Sans hadn't called, you'd be halfway snookered watching sweaty men smack each other with folding chairs by now.

You pick up your empty mug. "Want some more hot chocolate?"

"sure."

As you head to the kitchen to boil more water, he calls after you, once again just a little too suddenly to be completely offhand.

"hey, you should stick around for tomorrow too."

You pause in the doorway, looking over your shoulder with an exaggerated eyebrow raise.

"Are you asking me to stay the night?"

He grins and waggles his brows. "you can have the comfy side of the couch and everything."

"Ooh lala."

"nah, but seriously. we're all gonna get together, eat a ton of food, you can see paps open up all the crap i got him. undyne might try to fight all the snowmen in the front yard. that kinda thing."

You lean on the doorframe, considering.

"you know," he adds, self consciously. "if you wanna."

You do, actually. It's hard to pin down why, exactly. You didn't get anyone presents, and you kind of hope no one got you anything either because that would just be awkward. You barely know the monsters, aside from Sans. But you like them.

And you honestly have nowhere else to be.

"Yeah, that sounds fun."

"cool."

With fresh hot chocolate made and new candy canes unwrapped, you sink back in front of the TV. Sans even moved the pizza box off the couch while you were gone. Huh. He must really want you here.

"wanna put something else on the tube?"

"Sure," you say, handing him his steaming mug. "Oh hey, I also found this thing online that shows you how to make reindeer ornaments out of old socks. Wanna see?"

His eyes light up like a Christmas tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only loosely canon considering the fic was taking place in the early spring when this was written, lol. I did try to write it to fit with where their current relationship was at the time tho (chapter 8 or so).
> 
> Happy holidays, nerds ;D


	2. APRIL FOOLS 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change in perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha wow I left this up in the main story for like a year, go me
> 
> Alternate ch.12 where everyone is a shit including me XD

"Hold it steady Aaron," you were saying, as Sans made his way through the crowd at the bar.

Normally when he walked into Grillby's, everyone immediately noticed. He was _Sans_. Hey Sans, how you doin' buddy? You're the life of the party, Sansy! Pay your tab, Sans.

This time? No one even noticed until he wedged himself between two people at the bar just to get a better look at what the fresh heck was going on.

The fresh heck was exactly what it looked like. You, the human he kept running into, standing behind the bar, pouring tequila (he was pretty sure it was tequila) into a row of shot glasses lined up on Aaron's muscular torso. The horseman winked at you and tightened his already chiselled stomach. The glasses clinked.

"Okay... one, two, three, _go_."

The shots were snatched up by the crowd of eager barflies. Drunk Bunny missed her mouth and splashed his hoodie instead. That's when her swirly eyes focused on him.

"Sansy!" she hollered in delight.

"heya buns," he said, neatly sidestepping her drunken lunge. She ended up splayed on Aaron's stomach instead, who was still lying across the bar. He didn't look unhappy about that.

You backed up a step or two, protecting the bottle of tequila you still held. You looked amused. Huh.

"Sans!" Another barfly flanked him. "Like, we haven't seen you in ages!"

"Like, forever!" her friend added.

Right. He knew these two, Alphys' friends from the old MTT resort. Uh.... Kitty? "catty," he shot her a wink and a lazy finger gun. "bratty. sure been a while. didn't know you two were topside."

Bratty giggled. "We're on vacation!"

"Yeah! We just came up to dig through people's garbage!"

"We like, found some great stuff!"

"aw, that's nice."

Conversation made, he turned back to the bar to make his regular order, only for Grillby to unexpectedly seize him by the collar of his jacket and pull him right off his feet.

"whoa whoa, grillbz, is this about the tab? cuz i said i would mmrf—"

He was cut off when Grillby yanked him over the bar and planted a very heavy smooch right on his teeth. A whoop went up somewhere across the bar.

" _oh_. oh yeah," he said sheepishly, when Grillby let him go. "right. that's uh, that's a thing now."

The fire monster rolled his eyes, and pecked Sans' face again. You looked on, now in bemusement.

"You guys are together?" you asked, helping yourself to some whiskey on the rocks.

"got a problem, pal?" he asked you, settling into the crook of his new boyfriend's arm.

"Nah. Just that this is tagged for Sans/Reader, and I was honestly wondering how that was even gonna work out," you gestured with your glass. "You know, since you're a skeleton and I'm a salty bitch."

He snickered. "sorry to disappoint you, sweetheart, but i like 'em fiery."

Grillby smacked him.

You contentedly sipped your whiskey, happy now that you didn't have to figure out how to fuck a skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy april fools, whenever u read this lol


End file.
